I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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