i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
