i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
