There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
