dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
