wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I forget how to act sober
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
