last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
