whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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