You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
