U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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