if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
