dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
