Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
