so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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