I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize