He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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