real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
