woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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