I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
