the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
