I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
