Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
