I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
