I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
