the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize