4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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