Are we in a gay sports bar?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
