So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
