My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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