who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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