I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
