im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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