It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
