she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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