Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
