well I can't set my house on fire every night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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