Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
