He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
