I will die if light touches me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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