eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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