Please, let me fuck your mom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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