I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.