i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.