I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?