just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
