I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
