I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Non-Jews are for practice
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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