I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
