i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
