You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
