Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
