this boner is exhausting
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
