she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
