So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
