my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
