I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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