I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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