sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
