what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
