i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
