She's JV to your varsity
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
