nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
