Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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