so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come see our sink grown plant.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
