Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
