No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
