guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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