You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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