Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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