I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
