We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
