i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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