Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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