oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
